or maybe it is the same thing.
i'm fortunate enough never to have had a dream profession or any other kind of big goal for my life. i have always thought things will somehow sort themselves out, fall into place; but i've never have any exact knowledge of what this will require. sometimes it feels that it might be easier to have a precise goal, something of which i could say that if i have this or achieve that, then i can be satisfied -- at least it would give a direction of sorts. now, without any such goal, it at times feels like drifting; and sometimes the lack of course is distressing. i tend to feel that i'm wasting my time, that i should be doing something else -- the problem is i don't know what.
and then i think how awful it would be to be in either one of the situations mentioned in the first paragraph, and i decide it's not so bad after all to be slightly at a loss.
