because

every now and then you start to question things -- fundamental things, such as what are you, what makes you you and whether what you are doing is right for you after all. whatever the cause of these doubts or questions may be -- a big life change, age crisis, something else -- i reckon the mere existence of them is a sign of something in itself. perhaps you need to re-evaluate your goals; perhaps it is time to let go dreams planted on you by someone else. or perhaps it is time to change something in your life, or perhaps you don't need to do anything at all, just recognize the state of things and adjust yourself accordingly.


during the past year or so i have been wondering whether or not i am on a right field of profession. this is mostly because the passion and enthusiasm i  felt towards my occupation is no longer there, but has dimmed down to a steady, even relationship with it. in other words, something that i considered to be a part of my personality, a way of defining myself is no longer that but only a job -- a good one at that, one i still like very much and am ok with doing -- but still; it's not the same. what i have been trying to figure out is that should i be ok with this; should i accept the change (a one that was perhaps inevitable) or should i seek out to do something else? and if i do so, how am i to know that the same won't happen with that as well?


thinking of these things has led me to think about the other aspects, or cornerstones, of my personality; what makes me me. it would seem to me that running is one of these; i find it extremely hard to believe i would willingly ever stop doing it. today, when i was on the treadmill staring at the dull morning tv without the sound on i was thinking why this is so, and one of the reasons i came up with is this: there is too many words in the world. running, for me, is a way to shut my ears from them -- and that is not something i would give up.

(not from helsinki, obviously. waiting for summer.)