to those who wait

the thought was there, C recognized its existence somewhere in the back of his head. it swirled and spiralled, tickled the sensitive skin behind his ears and flickered in the corner of his eye; but whenever he turned to look, or tried to grasp the tail of the evasive dragonfly of a thought, there was nothing there and his fingers met only air.

it didn't exactly bother him; how could it have done so when he didn't even know what the thought was about? only thing C knew for sure was that it was there, and that it had been there for quite a while, and this made him suspect that it was of substantial kind. sometimes, though, he grew irritated over his own incapability to tackle the thought and so every now and then he chose to ignore it and overrode it with his daily musings and tasks and everything that was his life. this always worked for a while, but as surely as he was able to silence the acknowledgement of the thought as surely it eventually popped back up again; and there was no denying of the fact that every time it did, it had a little bit more weight and it was just a hint harder to push it back down again, and that the time it stayed silenced grew shorter every time.

this slowly but surely quickening pace made C a little bit uneasy. this was mainly because he suspected that once properly named, the thought would push him into a direction he hadn't taken before, and in all honestly C wasn't entirely sure if this was what he wanted. he didn't even know if the thought was justified or proper, or where it had came from; had it been planted on him by someone or something, or had it been with him always - only so weak he hadn't paid attention to it? either way, as the the presence of the thought strengthened with every day that passed, C understood that there was no way for him to escape or deny the thought from emerging. 

and that the only thing for him left to do was to review his life choices so far, weigh them and question them; so that when the thought would inevitably come, he would understand its context and meaning, and would know its consequences, and would be able to adjust his own self accordingly. so he studied himself, and time passed, and he learnt a lot; and not all that he learnt was good or pleasing but C understood that in order for the thought to arrive, this self-examination had to be done.

and then, when the thought finally did come, when the dragonfly ceased its long flight and landed in front of his eyes in all its beauty and colour and grace - that's when C finally saw it. and as he looked at the thought he knew it could have not arrived any sooner, and it could have not arrived a second later.