but...

i read a quote from somewhere -- don't remember by whom -- that said something along the lines "excuses are just lies we tell ourselves; nobody else really cares."

this is painfully true. we are so good at explaining things so as to make ourselves look good, or at least less bad, that the effort it takes directed towards something that would be actually beneficial -- like doing the things you should have or correcting the fuck-ups resulting from something you shouldn't have -- it would probably be a lot less easier for all of us. and in the end, it is completely unnecessary; because in actual fact, it does not matter whether you have a "reason" for doing or not doing something -- the state of things that would have followed had you done something otherwise does not exist, it is hypothetical at best-- therefore, it does not matter in the reality that we currently experience.

so why resort to excuses and explanations? indolence, i would imagine is the primary reason; fear maybe another one, depending on what the situation at hand is. it takes guts to admit that you don't live up to the standard  --which again leads us to the question of standards and so forth --but the truth of the matter is that the only thing that shapes the reality, and therefore has any significance, is what takes place. should have, would have, could have -- nobody really cares about that.

(obviously that picture is not taken when running. i'm on a treadmill these days, bear with me.)