of course there is fault in me as well, but let's face it - it takes two to ruin something so good what we once had. i'm not looking for the one to blame, i don't think there necessarily even is a particular reason as of why i need to take break from you; maybe it's the old cliché of growing apart from each other. who knows; who really even cares. the situation is such that we can no longer be together, and i am now going to be the one to make the decisive move.
in the beginning it was easy, so easy it was almost scary. i gave you everything i had, and i did so gladly; and you took my all, and also gave me so much in return. you took me to places and taught me things i never would have come across with had we not been together; and for this i will always be grateful to you. i learnt a lot about myself as well, touched my limits and pushed them further; i think it's safe to say that because of you i am lot of the things i am today. sometimes in my infatuation i went overboard - there were times when i defined myself through us, through you; that what you made me was all that had any importance. but you have to understand that it was all so new for me, new and exciting; and i was young.
but now, as time has passed, i have to face the fact that i am no longer the person i was then. i have changed; and when you use this as an accusation, as a reason for our failure, remember that i have changed partly because of you. of course i am no longer the same person; the one i was in the beginning hadn't walked with you for over ten years. it's a long time, over a third of my life; how could you expect that not to leave its mark? and if we're being completely honest here, you have changed too. you have become so serious, so demanding; you are asking me things i cannot give you, and have no interest in even trying because what i receive in return just doesn't make it up.
the thing is - and i know this might upset you - that i have met others. nothing serious, nothing solid; but others i am interested in getting to know better. in a way i can't if i am still with you; and even if this isn't the only reason for me walking out on us, it most certainly is one of them. but you can't really be mad about this - it's not like you wouldn't have anyone else. i've seen you, many times, and i've seen how you can be so much more better with them; how you can give them things you haven't given to me in a long time. it doesn't make me jealous or angry, not the slightest; it just makes me realize that we really should take some time apart.
who knows, maybe i will come back to you. maybe i will realize that you are the one for me, and any sacrifices i might have to make are worth it. i really can't say that for sure now; i am too close to you for that. maybe we can, in the future, redefine our relationship; maybe we can be together in a different way, with a new set of rules. who knows. right now all i do know is that i have to leave you so as not to start hating you; while there still is some affection left. so that i can leave the door ajar instead of slamming it shut and throwing the key away.
so goodbye, architecture; it has been great. thank you for everything.
2 comments:
That was touching text... Good luck with new challenges.
Thank you :)
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