i sometimes (well, quite often actually) think that it would be wonderful to know what i'm doing. to have a clear view of the world, a certainty of what and how it is and what is my relation to it; to be sure of myself, of my own existence and of the things i do. it would be remarkable to have a defined set of skills and be able to use them in a way that would be not only rewarding for myself but also somehow benefit others; to have a feeling of reason within my own being.
the truth is that most of the time i haven't a clue of what is going on and why; i don't know what i should be doing or why i am doing the things i do now. should i do more, or something different; what rules should i adhere to and what principles follow? are the things i seek actually what i really want, and if they are, is it possible to achieve them?
and does anybody else have this same sense of being lost and profoundly confused every now and then? because it sometimes appears that most people have things more or less figured out; they make big, life-altering decisions and seem to be ok with them whereas i'm having difficulties in deciding what i want to eat for dinner.
but i'm not jealous of people who know what they are doing. i just hope they would let me in on their secret. some day.
